Remembering Eva: Babyloss Awareness Week and Wave of Light

On Thursday 15 October, at 7pm, thousands of candles will be lit around the world to remember all the babies who have died. As Babyloss Awareness Week culminates in the Global Wave of Light, bereaved parents, friends and family come together to remember. Each flickering flame represents a tiny soul no longer here, a story of hope that ended in pain, a life not lived, enduring love translated as grief.

My own flickering flame will burn in memory of Eva, my daughter who died on 23 February 2012 aged six months following surgical complications and 197 long days in NICU. Eva and Charlotte were born at 28+0 weeks on 5 August 2011. There will always be one missing from my family and there are days when living without watching Eva grow up feels like a life sentence. But I must go on. For my living children, and for Eva. She didn’t get a chance at life so I owe it to her to live mine to the full and to seek out the joy.

Ways to remember

For us bereaved parents, remembering our babies is all we have. So we find ways to commemorate our babies, to make sure their memories live on. We let off balloons on anniversaries, engrave plaques and pebbles, stitch quilts, hang stars on trees, make cakes, tell others, share stories, write blogs and light candles. 

And it helps. It has helped me. Eva has inspired me to climb mountains, raise funds, start running, become a befriender for Twins Trust, speak out and try to improve care. She’s the reason I volunteer for The Smallest Things. Eva is doing amazing things despite not being here. She has introduced me to a wonderful, supportive community of similarly heartbroken parents. There is comfort in coming together with others who have lost babies. It’s a club nobody wants to join but when you find yourself sleepwalking through its doors, you’re so grateful it’s not empty and you’re not there alone.

So on Thursday I invite you to light a candle at 7pm and let it burn for an hour, in memory of all the lost babies and also to show hurting parents they’re not alone. Please share your photos and tell us the names of babies you’re remembering.

Eva Sophia Boyle, this blog is for you. 

This post is also dedicated to Gia, Noah, Seamus, Laura, Charlie & Joshua, Heidi, Abigail, Bobby & Ryan, Sam, Jacob & George, Ethan, Arthur, Robyn and all the babies gone too soon. Always loved, always remembered. Thanks to The Smallest Things Trustee Sarah Miles for sharing her story.