How can we ever say "thank you" when no words will ever be enough?
We asked this question once to my son's heart surgeon after he had performed an eight-hour operation to fix Joshua's tiny little heart and given him the gift of 'life'. His response was simply "You don't need to thank me, this is just what I do! All I want you to do is take him home and give him every experience that you can!" This seemed such an easy thing to do and for seven years we have enjoyed doing this, having such fun times together and treasuring every minute of every day as we feel so blessed to have Joshua in our lives. But was this enough to say “thank you”?
Over the last seven years we have continued to think about this question and the more we think about it the more we realise that there are so many other people that needed to have our thanks...
Gratitude for every step of our journey
Of course our first thanks went to the doctors and nurses at the IVF clinic that made our dreams come true – without them the journey would not have even begun! Then, without fail, thanks go to the intensivists, specialists, doctors and nurses who looked after Joshua for six months after he was born at 28 weeks, and who saved his life on so many occasions we lost count! Watching them work tirelessly to save our baby and yet still finding time to support us through so many difficult times was incredible. For this we will be forever thankful.
However, behind all these amazing people we learnt that there was a much bigger team in Joshua's journey that need to be thanked and each and every one of them played an equally important part! The best way to describe it is that they are all part of a jigsaw, each piece is different in their own unique way but without each piece the puzzle would never be complete!
There was the sonographer at the 20-week scan who discovered our baby had a serious problem with his heart, which then meant that doctors would then be able to give him the best care when he was born. Then not only the paramedics who rushed me to hospital in thick snow through gridlocked roads when my waters broke at 25 weeks, but also the specialist children's acute transport team that kept Joshua alive when he was so seriously ill on the journey to the specialist heart hospital in London. There were the dieticians who had the impossible daily job of helping him to put on weight ready to be big enough for his surgery when his heart was working so hard and burning everything off quicker than they could put into him! The physiotherapists that helped to keep his airways clear and the occupational therapists that helped with his development. There were the pharmacists who gave him the cocktail of drugs that kept him alive, the nursery nurses who taught me how to express my milk properly and the play specialists that kept Joshua and I entertained! We mustn't forget the cleaners that work quietly in the background but who were essential in helping to keep our baby safe! There were the receptionists and hospital charity who organised for us to have accommodation so we could always be near our son as we lived miles away from the hospital.
Hidden heroes
As I reflected on our journey I remembered many other people who we never physically got a chance to say thank you to and who realised afterwards played an important part. I remember the man who ran the food trolley who somehow could always tell I was having a difficult day and gave me an extra spoonful of pudding just to make me smile! At the time I wouldn't have said he was part of saving my baby's life but actually he was: had he not have brought me food each day, then I probably wouldn't have left the incubator to eat regularly and then I wouldn't have been able to face the long hours or been able to produce enough breast milk and Joshua’s and my physical health would have deteriorated. I also think about the volunteer lady who made the parents a much-needed cup of tea! She always asked if we were OK and showed a genuine interest in our babies. Without her I probably wouldn't have drunk enough and again this would have impacted on my breast milk. I think, as a mum, I was so focussed on my baby that I never considered my own needs. I just knew I had to be next to him to keep him safe and nothing else mattered. However I look back now and my health did matter and without these people quietly working behind the scenes looking after me then things could have been very different! We were thankful to the hospital chaplain who offered her support and prayers. She gave us hope, courage and a sense of protection that was very much needed at that difficult time.
United through our babies
I think one of the most important people to thank is the other parents who were on the same journey with us. Without them I'm not sure we would have got through the experience like we did. They were strangers when we first met and yet very quickly it seemed like they had been in our life forever! They understood, and we didn't have to tell them how we felt as they felt the same way too. Together we learnt that it was actually ok to still smile and we cared for each other's babies like they were our own. We have kept in contact with many families on our journey and after coming out of hospital into the big wide world our support for each other made us even more thankful.
Most importantly we want to thank Joshua. Not only did he make us believe in miracles but he has made us the people we are today. He showed us how to be brave by enduring what he was put through every day and yet still be able to smile. He taught us what was important in life and that no matter how hard things get you have to keep fighting. He taught us the importance of 'hope' as without hope you have nothing and he taught us that through your own adversity you can make a difference to other people's lives.
Our wonderful NHS
Since leaving hospital Joshua's story has helped to raise thousands of pounds for charities to buy life-saving equipment and raise awareness of heart conditions in premature babies. Recently Joshua's story was made into a short film by Healthwatch Essex who reunited him with the doctor who saved his life the night he was born after suffering six cardiac arrests to say thank you. His film recently won the People's Choice award at the National Charity Film Awards! He dedicated his win to the NHS to say thank you!
Have we said thank you enough yet? The answer to that is NEVER! Our particular thanks go to everyone at Broomfield Hospital in Essex and The Royal Brompton Hospital in London.
Thanks to Suzy Newman for sharing Joshua’s story.