Three boys, two neonatal stays and one grateful mum

It’s very hard to know what to say when someone has just had a premature or sick baby. Saying ‘congratulations’ often feels wrong in the circumstances. I know I didn’t know what to say until I had two very sick, premature children of my own. 

Angela with her husband and sons Aadam, Dexter and baby Noah in St Peter’s NICU

I am a mother of three boys. My first son, Aadam, was born at 42 weeks vaginally in 1997; my second son, Dexter, was born at 32 weeks by crash c-section at Christmas 2013; and Noah (above), my third son, was born at 30 weeks at Easter 2017. My youngest sons spent 10 weeks in St Peter's Hospital Level 3 neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) in Surrey.

Nothing prepares you 

I had been having signs from 24 weeks that Dexter might be born prematurely, so had had steroids and been shown around the NICU unit, 'just in case'. With Noah, there were no signs, just a feeling of deja-vu. 

However well prepared you feel, nothing actually prepares you for when you are a parent of a child in NICU. The first few hours, days, often weeks, are honestly the hardest and most emotionally and physically draining you as a parent will ever experience. There's no denying that. But they do not last forever.

Finding the positives

There will definitely be bad days, but the good days will begin to outnumber them. You will start to celebrate the small gains, that will turn into big gains. You will get to be part of the amazing journey your baby is on and will remember every second of it and be able to tell them when they are older. You will see what strength is in a different light. 

Dexter (left) and Noah enjoying a festive day out with mum Angela

True, you will not get the textbook newborn baby experience everybody expects, but you will get YOUR own unique newborn baby experience. 

The NICU staff, housekeeping, receptionists, nurses and consultants will become trusted confidants, unlike any medical professionals you've ever encountered. Absolute angels. They will support you as much as they support your baby.

Noah (left) and brother Dexter are now happy, healthy boys

Forever changed

You won't leave the hospital the same person as when you went in. For me, both NICU experiences have left me humbled, in awe and eternally grateful to the teams who saved mine and my boys’ lives.

So, if you are reading this after a premature birth, I would like to say to you, ‘Congratulations on the birth of your baby’. I know, and believe me when I say I know, it is tough for you now. Cry, scream, feel whatever you are feeling, it's ok. This won't last forever and these times are short. You will find your way through them and always look for the rainbow. 

With thanks to Angela for sharing Dexter and Noah’s story.