My tough little guy

On Saturday 8 December 2018 at 8:55pm Harry came into the world with a bang. My uterus ruptured and he fell into my stomach and was floating in blood; both of us were in a critical way. Harry was delivered via C Section and I was put to sleep. 

Alone in a little box

Harry was put on CPAP (Continuous Positive Airway Pressure) to help him breathe. There were so many wires, sticky tape and what seemed like a giant mask on his face. I recall being wheeled round to the unit in my bed in the early hours. He looked so small, but he was 7lb 3oz (3.26kg) and considering he was four weeks early I thought wow, he had weight on his side! I automatically cried – it was so scary seeing him in this little box all alone, so heart-breaking!

I could barely move; I was on morphine and had a drain in my stomach. I think it took a good half an hour to get me in the wheelchair on the Sunday afternoon. It was such an emotional time – my husband Martyn and I went in first to see him. I remember holding Harry's hand and he looked towards us as if he recognised our voices. He had such a tight grip, I knew then my Harry was a tough little guy! 

Leaving Harry  

I was discharged from hospital on Tuesday without my baby boy and advised to go home to rest and to call the unit any time day or night. We called before we went to sleep and phoned as soon as we woke.

Harry was on CPAP for six days. There was a day that they took it away but he wasn't strong enough. It was disheartening but the nurse, Val, said he just wasn't ready. I recall Nurse Val saying that Harry screamed at her one night and she said that he wouldn't have done that if his lungs weren't getting stronger, so we started to feel positive. All the nurses were so incredibly lovely and told us everything that was happening to Harry and why. They looked after him so well, we can't thank them enough. 

Feeds, baths and changes

I decided not to breastfeed Harry as I wasn't awake when he was born and in no fit state to express. Breastfeeding didn't go well with my first child, Leah, so we thought it best that he had the bottle. It was lovely as we both got to feed him and share the experience. Martyn and I would share the nappy changes and baths. On Day 7 Harry was moved to a cot, as he no longer required oxygen, but they did monitor his heart and oxygen levels and he still had his feeding tube.

Harry's beautiful big sister Leah (who was four at the time) was such a sweetheart. She would melt our hearts singing Twinkle, Twinkle to him through his incubator portholes. At first she was very weary of the box and wires, but she was brave and talked to him. Leah would come to the hospital every other day and we'd stay till her bedtime. During that time she made friends with a lovely nurse called Annie, who to this day we see as much as we can and keep in contact. Harry loves her too, as do we!

Going home

Harry struggled with his weight and we were told we couldn't take him home until he put on more weight. We learnt how to feed through the tube as it meant we might be able to take him home earlier. Thankfully Harry was discharged after 13 days as he had put on the required weight. We were allowed to go home on 21 December 2018, just in time for Christmas. We were so happy! 

There were some ups and downs to come, with severe reflux and an allergy to milk and eggs, but he no longer requires medication for his severe reflux and has no allergies now. It has certainly been a rollercoaster 18 months, but throughout he has been so happy and content. I am so proud of my little tough guy. 

Understanding trauma

I did think I was OK with the traumatic birth and what happened afterwards, but at 13 months I had a moment and thought “no, I'm not OK and I need to stop and take stock of everything”. I was signed off work for two weeks and also requested a listening service for myself whereby a midwife gave me more details of what happened to me. I also asked the neonatal unit for an account of Harry and that way I was able to piece together all sides of the story and now feel much better for it. I will never forget what we went through, but each day gets better and seeing Harry run around smiling, chasing Leah and causing mischief makes me the happiest mummy in the world. I’m so thankful to Doctor Chris Tsitlakidis for saving Harry and me.

Thank you to Jenny Beeby for sharing Harry’s story.