World Prematurity Month 2022: The neonatal nurse and her premature baby
Baby Spencer with mum/NICU nurse, Heather
In October 2021, my partner and I had booked a week off for our birthdays, which are a day apart, on the sixth and seventh. On 5th October, Spencer was born.
Arriving at triage with back pain that afternoon, I knew something wasn’t quite right. Just 10 minutes later, my waters broke and I was 7cm dilated. Within 50 minutes of setting foot in the hospital, Spencer was born, quickly and unexpectedly, at 30 weeks, weighing 3lb 5oz (1.5kg). This little boy was coming into the world regardless. As a neonatal nurse myself, I immediately felt apologetic to my colleagues in the neonatal team who had shared the birth with me… how strange!
Role reversal
My thoughts during the entire birth were completely different to those of most other mums. Questions were racing through my mind: ‘Which consultant is on today? Who’s the neonatal team today? Have there been any brain bleeds? Does it matter there was no time for steroids? How did I not know I was in labour? I’m a neonatal nurse, for goodness sake!’
After a small cuddle in the delivery room, once Spencer had finally taken a breath, he was taken to my workplace – NICU. Then all was quiet: me and his dad, Jack, were left in the room thinking, ‘What on earth just happened? What do we tell our families?’ It all happened so quickly – two hours earlier we had been putting flooring down in the nursery.
Shocked and emotional
Both of us spent time with Spencer that afternoon, in shock and emotional. I look after premature babies and their families every day, but when I get home after a tough shift, I never discuss the details with Jack. Yet there he was, in my workplace, seeing everything I had protected him from, happening to our own baby. The guilt I felt was overwhelming.
“The guilt I felt was overwhelming.”
From the moment Spencer was born, my thoughts were completely different to those of my partner. I knew way too much: I knew the risks, the possible outcomes, the tests, scans, x-rays, blood gases, the effects of no steroids and what could happen… but Jack didn’t. How could I talk about this without worrying the life out of Spencer’s dad? I also looked at it the other way around: how did my colleagues of four years feel about looking after Spencer? Needless to say, it was a very unusual and difficult situation to be in.
Struggling to find ‘mum mode’
Spencer’s first week was slightly eventful. After intubation, extubation, blood transfusion, feed intolerance and some antibiotics, he finally turned a corner and some stability arrived.
We had lots of skin-to-skin cuddles and slowly started to recover from the initial shock. We got to know Spencer as time went on and started to enjoy him! Alongside the added desperation to get him home, as all parents feel.
With the NICU psychologists’ help, I managed to separate my nurse brain as much as I could, and tried my best to get into mum mode. But throughout our NICU journey, I never really felt like a mum. It was only once we were at home that the feeling started to build and, two weeks later, NICU started to feel like a distant memory.
Extended maternity leave
After 11 months of maternity leave, I had my back-to-work meeting and couldn’t understand where the time had gone. I had this 11-month-old baby (nine months corrected) who was eating me out of house and home, crawling, climbing, shouting and knowing exactly what he wanted. In NICU, you can’t imagine your premature baby getting to this point.. but I can assure all parents of premature babies, they shock you!
“My hospital had signed up to The Smallest Things Employer with Heart charter so I got an extra 10 weeks of paid maternity leave. If this had not been in place, I would have missed out on Spencer walking for the first time. It has made a huge difference to my family.”
Spencer is now a happy, healthy one-year-old (10 months’ corrected)
I was so deeply grateful to find out that my hospital, Birmingham Women’s and Children’s, had signed up to The Smallest Things’ Employer with Heart charter. It meant I got an extra 10 weeks of paid maternity leave. Babies change so quickly and this was a huge amount of time at home with Spencer that I would have otherwise lost. I would have missed out on Spencer walking for the first time if this had not been in place. It has made a huge difference to my family.
Words of wisdom
I have always said to parents on the unit that time in NICU will feel like the slowest period of your life, but you’ll look back one day and realise it was the smallest blip in your lives. And my goodness, that is so true! The six weeks Spencer spent in NICU were the slowest I have ever experienced and were pretty stressful, particularly during the COVID pandemic. I sat there every day praying he didn’t catch anything, and also praying that Jack and I didn’t either.
Spencer has changed the way I work forever. To NICU parents, I would say this: I know how you feel when you’re lost in your thoughts of the future, it’s a hard and lonely time so please remember to be kind to yourselves.
Whether you’re folding the tiniest of clothes, pumping as much milk as you can or celebrating a 5% decrease in oxygen support… I’m there with you, praising these miracles for each small step forwards. Just remember, take each day as it comes.
With thanks to Heather for sharing Spencer’s story.