Scarlett's first day
Scarlett on her first day of primary school in September 2024
As 16 September came around, I was getting ready for Scarlett (born at 31 weeks) to start primary school. I could see she was excited to be starting school but I was so anxious about how she was going to cope. School has different forms of communication and I knew the nurturing side of nursery wouldn’t be there.
On the morning of her first day, Scarlett was excited to put her uniform on and pose for pictures. When we arrived at school, she was wide eyed, taking everything in and wanting reassurance I’d be there to pick her up. Thankfully she recognised familiar faces from her nursery so she went in with confidence and a smile on her face after lots of kisses and cuddles goodbye.
Walking away, I felt so empty and had to hold back the tears, knowing my little girl was starting her first day of 14 years of education. Did I pick the right school? Would she be OK? Six hours went by so slowly but when I saw her at 3.15pm, I could tell she’d had a good day. A visit to the ice cream van made her first day even better!
An unexpected extra early arrival
Scarlett wrapped in plastic shortly after birth at 31+5 weeks
Scarlett was born at 31+5 weeks on 31 July 2020, weighing 4lb 1oz (1.84kg), which is a good weight for being so early. I had been in and out of the hospital for the previous six weeks and one of the tests the doctors carried out showed that she could arrive within the next 14 days. As a result I was admitted to hospital and given a course of steroids to help develop her lungs. I was in denial that it would really happen and when we got past Day 14 I thought we were going to be OK.
Then, on Day 15, I went into work with tight pains in my stomach which got worse. I realised I was bleeding so I called Swindon Hospital and they told me to come straight in. I drove myself the 45-minute journey to hospital to be told I was already 4cm dilated. I called my partner Perry, who was on his way to Dartmouth to see his mum, and told him he needed to come back quickly! Unfortunately, Scarlett arrived 10 minutes before Perry arrived so he missed the birth. I was alone throughout the birth, with only my midwife with me.
When I got to the hospital, I still thought she would take hours and hours to arrive but she arrived four hours later. It was scary seeing the NICU team arrive while I was pushing. They were preparing to take my baby away and I didn’t know where she was going. I held her for a few short moments with a mask covering her little face, her tiny body in a plastic bag wrapped in a towel. It was very surreal and it didn’t feel like she was my baby – the shock had taken hold. To this day, the only answers we got for her early arrival were that she felt safer out than being in!
Alone and fighting in NICU
We spent five weeks in NICU. At the start there weren’t many babies on the ward so both myself and Perry could be there together, wearing masks and aprons, washing our hands a lot, and keeping a distance from the nurses and doctors when discussing Scarlett’s care. As the ward filled up, only one of us could be with our baby. That was the worst time: being on my own, following the strict feeding programme, asking permission to hold Scarlett. I just felt like a part-time mum. Our family weren’t allowed to visit and it was hard not having their support. I felt truly alone, fighting to get my baby big enough to get her home!
“Being on my own, following the strict feeding programme, asking permission to hold Scarlett... I felt like a part-time mum”
When we were told the date we could bring her home, we didn’t tell anyone. After discharge we drove straight to my parents’ house and Perry pretended he needed help getting a package in the car. My mum’s face seeing her granddaughter for the first time will forever hold a special place in my heart.
Covid restrictions were easing so we could welcome family into our home to meet Scarlett and give her cuddles if they were well (but no kissing was allowed). I was very wary about Covid but I didn’t want my family not to meet her after waiting for five long weeks. As for Perry’s side of the family, Scarlett was their first granddaughter!
Two years later…
Scarlett was discharged from consultant care when she was two-and-a-half years old
We were lucky that Scarlett had no other complications when she left NICU so we just had to go back to see her consultant every six months to have her checked over. When we got to 2 years and 6 months, we were discharged. We felt a mixture of emotions, but mostly relief – not just for no longer having to drive the hour-long journey to the hospital but because in a way Scarlett was now fully ours.
In the early days, the health visitor would come round once a week to weigh Scarlett and check if we could increase her feeds. She’d also tell us what times to feed her and how long to leave between feeds. This meant we were clock-watching and being regimented to her times. My mother’s instinct took a while to kick in because I had to do what I was told and ask permission rather than following my daughter’s lead. The whole experience of being a first-time mum was not what I thought it would be.
The next chapter: Education
Our school journey started by visiting every primary school in our local area and seeing how Scarlett took to each school and how I felt about their approach and ethos.
We visited a lot and felt like some schools only wanted Scarlett because it was a low-intake year and they needed the numbers. During our visits, I mentioned to all schools that Scarlett was premature. One headteacher told me not to worry because they can put some special measures in place, without actually knowing Scarlett or anything about her development! So the whole school process was not as straightforward as I thought it would be.
Scarlett graduating from nursery in Summer 2024
Having had this experience, I wish the school would listen to us parents and not just assume our premature children are under-achieving or need SEN support. The teachers need to know that your child had to fight to get where they are today. The school and teachers need to know about your child’s journey, and which professionals you’ve had involved, to fully understand that they might be four years old but emotionally and developmentally they could still be catching up.
“Schools and teachers need to know about your child’s journey, and which professionals you’ve had involved, to fully understand”
I really do feel educators need to be more aware of children who were born prematurely and be mindful of summer-born children on top of that. I’m glad there’s a free training course (PRISM) to help schools understand the impact of a child arriving into the world early. They will probably catch up eventually but these children are not a textbook and might not always be fully caught up by four years old. Not enough information is available to schools, which is why the Prem Aware Award scheme is so important.
I’ve been told many times that prem babies are the strongest babies, and that is very true. But our prematurely born children have already had a big fight to stay in this world, and all I want is for Scarlett to keep being the strong-willed, happy and loving girl she is.
Thanks to Jackie for sharing Scarlett’s story.