Tag Archives: Guest Blog

My Top 5 Pieces of Advice for Other NICU Dads

“As a father of a baby born prematurely at only 25 weeks, my partner and I had a big challenge during the 95 days our daughter was in NICU. Read on for my top 5 pieces of advice for other NICU dads on making it the least stressful it can be.”

TIP 1:
The doctors and nurses are there to help so ask questions and try to be as helpful as possible. If there’s red lights flashing and they’re busy then don’t get in the way, but when it’s quiet ask as many questions as possible. Find out what all of the equipment does, what the readings mean on the monitor and what you can do to help. They’ll be happy to teach you.

TIP 2:
Be there for your baby as much as you can. You may not at the time feel that you are doing much good, especially during early days, but just being there and talking to your baby can have incredible benefits. You’ll learn all about your little one and eventually you’ll be able do a lot more like hold him/her, change and feed them and most importantly, bond.

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TIP 3:
Look after each other. We found there were often hugely stressful times and this made it very easy to get frustrated with your other half. Just remember, you’re both going through similar feelings and being there for each other and trying to keep a sense of humour is so important. My partner and I are now stronger than ever and this positivity can be passed onto our baby.

TIP 4:
Rely on friends and family, even if it’s just asking them to cook a meal or give you a lift. Finding time to cook when you’re at the hospital all day is very draining and you need to keep your strength up for your baby. Fortunately ours were there for us a lot. Our family members visited often which was lovely and they were all so supportive with us which is essential during tough times!

TIP 5:
Lastly but no means least; take tonnes of photos and videos! You’ll be able to look back on them every few days and see the differences. Having a baby in NICU is a challenge but look on the bright side; you’ll be able to see your baby evolve from a tiny human being into an amazing baby. Take photos every day, back them up on a hard drive and hopefully in a few years time you’ll be able to show your grown up son or daughter how they started their life on this planet.

Written by James Farina

You can read more about James’ journey through neonatal intensive care at his own website – A Dads NICU Journey 

Will you help raise awareness and share these great tips for other NICU dads? It’s easy, just hit the Twitter & Facebook buttons to SHARE now! 

Expressing for Baby Noah in Neonatal Intensive Care

Our baby boy, Noah was born on 10th November 2015 weighing 3lb 4oz at 29 weeks. It was a complete shock having our baby born prematurely after a normal pregnancy.


I always planned to breastfeed my baby, but when your baby is born early, it seems everything is taken out of your hands. You have to put every bit of faith into the wonderful Doctors and Nursing staff looking after your precious baby. One thing that I could do to help right from the beginning was express my milk. I remember being delighted when I expressed 0.3ml for the first time. I was very strict to myself, making sure Noah could have these tiny amounts of colostrum every hour. The more I expressed, the more I produced. The nurses were brilliant at giving me encouragement and I felt I was doing something to help our little Noah. 


When Noah was 10 days old I was able to have skin to skin for the first time. Each day I would have kangaroo (skin to skin) cuddles with Noah, I loved having him tucked into my top, often, I used to express the most milk after having these cuddles. Leaving Noah in hospital was one of the hardest things I have ever done, broke my heart each day when I had to say good night to him, wishing I could just take him home. Once we had left the hospital each night, I would try and think positively about the next day and being able to see him again.


During Noah’s stay in hospital, I made sure I expressed 8-9 times per day, throughout the day and night. Setting my alarm twice at night. There is something very lonely about pumping on your own especially in the middle of the night when all you wish for is your baby to be with you. I used to ring the hospital for an update, my heart used to pound until they would tell me Noah was ok and if he wasn’t, I felt so tense, then I would start to worry that the tension would reduce my milk production. Some nights, I couldn’t express anything because I was tense, I would cuddle a warm wheat bag in bed along with Noah’s cuddly toy and blanket to try and get the milk production working again. These things always helped. I put a lot of pressure on myself but I was determined to make it work. 


Noah first breastfed at 33 weeks, he fed for a few minutes and I remember being so surprised that my tiny little boy had the strength to be able to feed. I was thrilled. Of course, for some time after this, some days he would feed and others he couldn’t as he didn’t have the energy and was tube fed instead. Noah’s feeding tube stayed in up until we ‘roomed in’ prior to discharge where we began to establish breastfeeding.

Altogether, I expressed my milk for 8 weeks until the day Noah came home. It was hard work, at the beginning my pump was like my best friend, I wouldn’t go anywhere without it. Towards the end I hated it, I just wanted my baby to be able to breastfeed. I put every ounce of energy and determination into making it work and I am pleased to say I have been able to breastfeed my baby exclusively and we are still going today! 


It’s been one of the biggest challenges of my life having a premature baby and breastfeeding him with the constant worries surrounding weight gain and reflux. There have been many days/ weeks where I have felt completely out of my depth wondering how I was going to make this happen, but I did and I am so proud of our little Noah. 
With thanks to Sarah Weatherhead for sharing her story as part of our ‘Feeding a baby born too soon’ 2017 series 9-15th January. 


If you liked reading Sarah’s’ story and would like to help us raise awareness, please use the Facebook and Twitter buttons to SHARE!

A Dad in NICU: An Anchor for my Wife

I was already a dad to 3 and a 4-time grandfather, but none of that prepared me for what was about to come: I had spent the pregnancy trying to be the calming influence to my wife of 5 years as this was her first time. All had gone pretty well and the pregnancy had been fairly textbook until events took some twists and turns. I won’t expand on that, as that’s another story in itself, but on one Friday night in June 2015 everything went very pear-shaped.

Mel, my wife, had been admitted to hospital in Dumfries. I had been with her all week but needed to go to our old house to finish some work before we put it up for sale. I had spoken to Mel a little earlier in the evening, everything was fine with her and baby, but then at about 11pm that night my phone rang.

I drove the 80 miles from the house to hospital to be at my wife’s side. They were prepping her for an emergency C section when I arrived and the next thing I knew I was wearing scrubs in the operating theatre, together with a load of other similarly dressed people and my wife lying on the table looking really worried.

Orla was delivered a little later and was immediately whisked away not breathing following the trauma of birth. I concentrated on doing what I could to console Mel and keep her as calm as possible. Luckily the drugs they gave her were working with me and a few white lies kept her as calm as could be expected.

What seemed like a lifetime passed as we waited anxiously for news. Various people came in to see Mel, but nobody seemed to have any information on the one thing we needed to know about. There were lots of promises to find out what was happening but very little information materialised. I knew that I had to stay strong and calm for Mel, but inside I was shaking (I deserved an Oscar for my acting masterclass!). I knew that she needed to rest and recover.

Sunrise had come and it was going to be a lovely summer day before we got the knock at the door and a senior looking doctor came looking rather serious. Everything for the next couple of hours became a huge confusing blur as we hugged each other and prayed quietly for our wee baby girl.

Orla was to be transferred to the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) at the new Southern General hospital in Glasgow as soon as possible; the ambulance was on its way. All we could do was sit around and wait. I had to keep up my charade for Mel’s sake, but couldn’t help but crumble on a few occasions as things got the better of me. We got a brief chance to see Orla before they took her away in the ambulance and it was heaven to be with her and to actually touch her for the very first time.

feeding

I was riding an out of control emotional roller-coaster as I spiraled from fear to anger, to uselessness to hope, and then back to anger again – all the time trying to keep it hidden. Mel, understandably, was a bit of a wreck and needed some sort of anchor to hang onto. I tried to be that anchor.

I arrived in Glasgow on Saturday evening, Mel had followed Orla in an ambulance a couple of hours after her and I had driven home to get stuff for my two precious charges before heading up to Glasgow too. I found Mel on the maternity ward, but not before being told to come back in the morning as visiting times were over! I easily won that confrontation and when I saw Mel I got her into a wheelchair and we went in search of our daughter once again.

We eventually found Orla and it was like the sun had just come out! She looked a good bit better than when we had last seen her and the nurses and doctors were brilliant. The feeling they gave us was one of hope. They showed us so much care and interest and gave us straight-taking, honest answers to our millions of questions. They demonstrated so much professionalism, dedication and empathy over the coming 3 months. Nothing was ever too much trouble and all the staff made me feel so involved in everything to do with Orla and her care.

1 first daddy cuddle

It was not all rosy during our time there though. We had some really tough times ahead of us and hard decisions that needed to be made; but together with my fabulous wife we muddled our way through, always guided and supported by the staff, support workers and the Reverend Jim! To quote, they were the best of times, they were the worst of times…and like all families we didn’t always get on or agree, but we did stick together and found a way to move forward and to progress. We felt like we were part of a big, ever-changing family at times, one that had a common goal in getting Orla better.

Daddy loves you

The roller-coaster ride carried on for the next 3 months, but we could see a faint glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel and as each day that passed and every hurdle we overcame the light got a little brighter. Three months and a few days later we left NICU to take our Orla home. I have never been as happy nor have felt as proud as I did carrying her in her baby car seat out through those doors.

Bonding

We have been back to visit NICU on a couple of occasions with Orla for her check-ups at the hospital and I am still amazed by the welcome we get. They all must have amazing memories and genuinely are interested to see one of their many “success stories”.

The whole episode and the time since, now being a stay at home dad has changed me more than expected. Orla continues to flourish and even though she isn’t completely out of the woods so to speak, I feel far better equipped to deal with whatever the future brings.

4 getting bigger

 

It has took me some time to write this story and at first I didn’t feel I even wanted to but it may just spark something in others who find themselves in these shoes so felt it was worthwhile. My biggest issue was letting all the memories come back to me and finding it impossible to keep on typing as the keyboard was in danger of blowing up with the tears I dripped onto it as it still makes me very emotional.

Luckily those tears are as much about joy as sadness.

There are too many people to mention them all individually, they know who they are, but our heartfelt thanks go out to them for making this particular dream come true. We feel blessed to have had them as part of our story.

5 I love swings!

Guest blog – with thanks to Martin Butler for sharing his journey through neonatal intensive care with us.

If you have a story you’d like to share please email Catriona at smallestthings@yahoo.com